November 6, 2019
Good morning lovelies and lurkers. Let's continue the conversation that originated from my "Miss Independent vs Miss Sugar Baby" and my "No Procreation Without Compensation" posts.
Buckle up, because I’m about to trigger some of y’all into a better life after we have this discussion. I DARE YOU TO READ THIS. Let’s keep the conversation going, shall we?
Yesterday I did a live video about a woman who wrote into an advice column asking why she should have to pay the father of her child for staying home with his own child. I said that she SHOULD pay him because DOMESTIC WORK IS WORK NO MATTER WHO IS DOING IT. I have yet to receive any hateful comments under that video, unlike the other threads where I talk about WOMEN being compensated for domestic work and childcare.
Doesn’t anyone find that interesting? I have even more questions:
1. Why are so many people so triggered by a woman saying that she deserves compensation, which Is anything that the husband and wife agree upon, for domestic work, childcare, etc.? Most women that are in the traditional set up are getting (non-monetary) compensation: a home (room and board), bills paid, and money for personal and family needs, etc., so she can take care of the home. I’m saying this is a good thing and it’s okay to want this and negotiate this in your partnership. What EXACTLY is so terrible about this?
2. Ladies, how many of us saw women that we know and love have to go out to the world and STILL come home and have to do all of the things that a woman used to be required to do in the 50s? DID IT PAY OFF FOR THOSE WOMEN IN THE END? How come are we so educated, but we’re not smart enough to do a reevaluation around the amount of work we have taken on in this New Age? We are officially the man in the woman in many situations. THIS IS A DAMN SCAM. Why aren’t we talking about this? Is it because we’re embarrassed? Are we afraid of backlash? Are we afraid to take off the superwoman façade and be vulnerable? WHAT IS IT?
3. Ladies, have y’all read the disparaging comments towards women in my thread by men who say that women don’t deserve ANYTHING for having children? WHY DO YOU THINK THEY THINK SO LOWLY OF PREGNANCY, CHILD BEARING, CHILD REARING AND HOUSEHOLD MANAGEMENT? I’m a Catholic wife and mother and business owner raising God-fearing children THAT ARE NOT DEPENDENT ON THE STATE IN ANY FORM OR FASHION BECAUSE THEY HAVE AN EXCELLENT FATHER THAT PROVIDES for them, and yet the internet males have managed to call me a WH0RE in their threads for saying that I deserve something besides an “I love you” and a pat on the head. Even if you don’t agree with 100% of everything I say, DO YOU NOT SEE A PROBLEM WITH THIS?
4. Final question, if a woman SHOULDN’T be compensated for those things, what SHOULD she do? What should she do when her body is broken down and she’s emotionally and mentally burnt out from working full-time outside AND inside the home, while taking care of the countless and endless things that are required of a mother? Should she “take it like a mom” and shut up?
I believe that 70% of divorces are initiated by women because NO ONE IS TELLING THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A WIFE AND ESPECIALLY A MOTHER. She doesn’t know what she is signing up for. No one is telling the truth about what it really costs her physically, emotionally, financially. After a woman marries, has children, and continues to work, usually at first the woman does what most women do: DOUBLE DOWN AND TRY EVEN HARDER. She tells everyone how she’s got everything under control, she’s got a smile on her face, and she’s even telling the younger generation that they can do it all if they just try really hard and “lean in”.
Until one day, she can’t. She can’t pretend anymore. The resentment, the exhaustion, the hypervigilance required to ensure children are safe, the lack of appreciation, the hopelessness overwhelms her. She needs to get something off of her plate, and THE ONLY ACCEPTABLE THING TO GET OFF OF HER PLATE IS HER HUSBAND. This is where the “I’m just not happy anymore” statement comes from when a woman initiates divorce. This is where accusations of emotional abuse come from from women. It’s not even that she necessarily has been emotionally abused, but she has to say the politically correct things to exit the overwhelming situation. She’s been scammed, but society won’t allow her to say it’s an actual scam, so this is her public reason for doing. IT IS MORE SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE TO FALSELY ACCUSE A HUSBAND OF ABUSE IN ORDER TO GET A DIVORCE THAN TO ADMIT THAT WE CAN’T DO IT ALL, WE WANT TO COME HOME AND BE WITH OUR CHILDREN, AND WE WANT TO RECEIVE A LITTLE PAY FOR IT.
DO Y’ALL NOT SEE A PROBLEM WITH THIS?!
The vast majority of us are not built for working full time jobs AND raising young children and managing the home, but instead of being honest, and having tough conversations, and making changes that would benefit us, our partners, and our children, we DOUBLE DOWN ON THIS LOSING STRATEGY BECAUSE WE HATE TO BE WRONG THAT MUCH. We’re too proud to save our marriages, our babies, even our own lives. EVERYONE LOSES.
I’m committed to seeing truly happy marriages and families, and guess what that means? Doing things in a NEW way, where everyone is more honest about what works and doesn’t work for them.
Yes, ladies, that means that if you want to go back home and be with your children, you might have to sacrifice some lifestyle items for a season, but what’s so terrible about that?
These children need our attention, love, and care! The day care centers can’t do it and the schools can’t do it. They are overburdened and underappreciated and locked in by a bunch of regulations where they can’t even help the children the way the teachers used to be able to back in the day.
Haven’t we seen several generations of the outcome of this? If domestic work, childcare, and home management were considered valuable and agreements were made for that home manager to be compensated, there could be a parent at home to take care of the many things that need to be taken care of every day in the home. (Instead of two working people trying to do all the things after they get off work for the two hours between dinner and bedtime, which is too much pressure and stress on everyone to be going through every single day.) There would be a lot more intact families, a lot less stress, and a lot less divorces, and fewer people hurting so deeply in the world. The health of the family impacts the health of society.
My entire platform is around women being responsible, wise, and happy. My entire platform is based around women being full adults. My entire platform focuses on building partnerships and families and keeping the family unit intact. That means we ALL have to have a new conversation. The old way didn’t fully work and the new way isn’t working either. Time for another adjustment.
👉FINAL NOTE TO THE LADIES: a few male groups are starting to share that original post. If you’re curious, you should go research what they have to say about this. You should see the level of devaluation of women’s bodies and domestic work. I can’t be mad at the males, quite frankly. WE DID THIS TO OURSELVES, LADIES.
We told them that we were independent, loved casual intimacy, could do anything and didn’t need them for anything.
We told them that we could go out work, bring home the bacon, and put it in a frying pan and cook it with a smile on our face.
We told them that taking care of kids and house and home were beneath us and had little value. WOMEN’S WORK IS DEVALUED BECAUSE OTHER WOMEN DEVALUED WOMEN’S WORK.
We bought into the superwoman narrative and are exhausted, but are too arrogant to say the truth.
Any woman that stood up and said that it was too much has been condemned by other women in such a terrible way that it silences the message that could help the younger generation make a different set of decisions. So, the cycle repeats and this is what we get. We did this to ourselves.
Are we woman enough to change it?
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